zembelle's avatar

zembelle

I aim to misbehave.
46 Watchers20 Deviations
16.7K
Pageviews
Going on two months since you told me that.

Since you told me you hoped I would burn for what I did to you.

I suppose that means you're not my friend either. Maybe you never were, just like you told me I never was.

--------

Since people don't generally keep photos of people who aren't their friends, I haven't really figured out what to do with the 2000+ photos and videos I have of you. The last seven years of my life, of which you have been an integral part, I've documented through photos. You're everywhere in them. You're excitedly showing me the special cabinets in your grandparents' house. You're flirting with the guy behind the counter in a coffee shop in St Louis. You're trying to find a home for a stray cat. You're getting one of your gorgeous tattoos that you're so proud of. You're singing, you're longboarding, you're making that amazing strawberry stuff you make. You're giggling with me in Waffle House, in Barnes and Noble, in your car, in our old apartment, about who knows what, about some silly inside joke, about something one of us said about a stranger, about a line from an anime, about some crazy idea you've had. Or you're doing absolutely nothing, just standing or sitting somewhere, looking at your phone, or out the window, or into space, or you're talking to someone, maybe me, maybe someone else, and those are the pictures I have the most of because I appreciated you so much in all those mundane moments where I'd look at you doing nothing at all, or doing something perfectly ordinary, but it wasn't ordinary at all, it was special because it was you, because it was my best friend in the world, because it was the amazing girl who'd been by my side for longer than anyone else in my whole life, the girl with whom I laughed and argued and cried and giggled and sang and talked and confided and trusted. The girl who drove me insane sometimes, but who I still loved. The girl who wrote me a fairy tale.

The girl who decided, seven years ago, that I looked lonely, and that she ought to do something about it.

And the girl who decided, seven years later, that I couldn't be forgiven.

The girl who isn't my friend.

You're not my friend.
But you were. Once upon a time.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

I'm ''25.'' -.-

4 min read
I am 19 years old. I took this little quiz thing from MyEmeraldTears (who is taking commishes, so go check her out! :meow:) Basically it's just a bunch of true-or-false statements, and for each "true" one, you're supposedly one year older. The quiz says I "act" 25. Which is fine, and whatever, but honestly, I find the entire thing UTTERLY invalid for the following reasons:

1. The oldest you can "be," according to this quiz, is 36.
2. I know people in their forties who cannot make a pot of coffee OR their own bed.
3. Many of these are highly gender-specific. For example, there is a much higher percentage of men than women who know how to change the oil in a car. Therefore, most girls taking this quiz will almost automatically be fined an entire year simply for not knowing something that is usually left to the guys to take care of. The same goes for the Tupperware party thing: how many guys who take this quiz will have been to a Tupperware party? Really? (And actually, when you really think about it, who even HAS Tupperware parties anymore? That's what Walmart and Target are for.)
4. Whether or not you have been to the beach has nothing to do with how old or young you are. Some who take this grew up in Hawaii, or in California, or Florida; others, Nebraska, or maybe central Europe. And for the latter, not everyone likes to travel.
5. There is a MAJOR conflict on the topic of responsibility. On the one hand, you gain years for being responsible and doing things like making your bed, doing dishes, keeping promises, not getting detention in school, and otherwise being self-sufficient and accountable. On the OTHER hand, you gain years for being in debt AND regularly being late to school.

I could continue picking apart this entire thing, but...well, nevermind. What do YOU think?

[X] You know how to make a pot of coffee.
[X] You keep track of dates using a calendar.
[  ] You own a credit card.
[  ] You know how to change the oil in a car.
[X] You've done your own laundry.
[X] You can vote in an election.
[X] You can cook for yourself.
[X] You think politics are interesting.

Total: 5

[  ] You show up for school late a lot.
[X] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket.
[  ] You've never gotten a detention.
[X] You have forgotten your own birthday.
[X] You like to take walks by yourself.  
[X] You know what credibility means without looking it up.
[X] You drink caffeine at least once a week.

Total:  10

[X] You know how to do the dishes
[X] You can count to 10 in another language.
[X] When you say you're going to do something you usually do it.
[X] You can mow the lawn.
[X] You study even when you don't have to.
[X] You have hand washed a car before.

Total:  16

[X] You can spell experience without looking it up.
[  ] The people at Starbucks know you by name.
[  ] Your favorite kind of food is take-out.
[X] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need.
[X] You understand political jokes the first time they are said.
[X] You can type pretty quickly.

Total: 20

[  ] Your only friends are from your place of employment.
[  ] You have been to a Tupperware party.
[X] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[X] You have more bills than you can pay.
[  ] You have been to the beach.
[X] You use the internet every day.
[X] You have been outside 3 or more times a day
[X] You make your bed in the morning.

Total:  25.

On another note, kids are annoying, and when I have them, I wish to skip the first nine years.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Music.

It's been a part of me since my earliest memory (which is a distant memory of winding a music box in order to hear its song).

It speaks to me in a way that nothing else can. It reaches me in a way that no other medium can - it is its own art, and deserves to be recognized as nothing less.

If a picture can speak a thousand words, a song can speak a million in a single line of lyric. The melody, the tonality, the aesthetic, the vocals (if there are any!), the beat, the instrumentals - they intertwine, fitting together and completing each other perfectly. And part of what makes it so beautiful is its universality. A given song will affect you differently than it will affect me, for example. Or better - and this is a rarity - it could affect you in the exact same way it does me, granting empathy on a level that is difficult to reach in any other way. There is music for everything. There is music for happy, there is music for sad. For angry. For hyper. For depressed. For solemn. For calm, and content. For playful. For meditative. For courage. For confidence. For love. For anything and everything.

On the same subject: singing. Have you ever heard someone sing in such a way that it has literally sent a shiver down your spine? I've met few who could say no. It rallies, inspires, elates. It sparks. Anyone who loves to sing - including me - can tell you that it releases a part of your soul that can't be free otherwise.

It's one of the pinions that keeps my gears turning, and without it, I would be a different person. A lesser person.

That's what music does. What it IS.

It's freedom.

So tell me, if you're reading: what do you think of it? How has it affected you? I'd love to hear what you think.

Much love,

Zem.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

Been a while...

3 min read
...I can't even remember the last journal I wrote. It's been a while since I've been on dA. I signed in to over three thousand messages O.o (Granted, the bulk of them were from group deviation stacks, which I mostly ignore, but meh. I'm slowly working my way through journals.)

Anyways. I'm tired, therefore I cannot organize information in any format but a bulleted list. So here it is.

- There are good parts and bad parts, and it's not the "traditional" experience. But overall? I love college. :la:
- I'm an aunt now! My sister Loreakins78 had her son, Leon, a week ago.
- I've been sleeping on someone's floor/couch for almost six months now, to my intense displeasure. I can't stand feeling like I'm inconveniencing someone, especially when they already have their own problems to deal with, but I don't have much of a choice. But on the plus side, we might be able to get our own place here in a few months. Then again, these things have a habit of falling through. Sigh.
- I finally got around to beating Borderlands 2's campaign. That copy was promised to a friend once I did, so he has it until HE beats the campaign, after which I can start the DLC...and playthrough 2 >:D
- I read the book Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card. Found out about two days after finishing the book - which came out in the eighties, by the way - that a movie adaptation is coming out next year! Perfect timing, much? I'm going to read it again.
- I also finally got around to watching Firefly in its entirety. And upon doing so, I watched it again. Changed my life.
- 4 interviews, about 10 "leads" that led nowhere, and countless phone calls have all led me to this: I have yet another interview tomorrow. I was planning on printing out my resume today, but some things happened and I never got to. So hopefully I will be able to do so tomorrow before my interview. If I do get the job, I'll be tech support. :D If not, well, whatever.
- I have developed an addiction to ThinkGeek.com.
- Oh, and I finally got blood drawn for the first time. Stupid high school teachers told me I couldn't do it because I'm too small. HA.

Anyways. There's probably something I'm forgetting. But I have an excuse, I'm tired. So ha.

Hugs to everyone, I hope you're all doing alright. I miss you guys. :tighthug:
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
In the words of my friend ShanSherazi:

"She desperately needs the money for rent, so please go at least look at or spread the word of her commissions, if you're unable to commission or help. <3"

emo-ninja-kiriai.deviantart.co…

I don't usually repost these kinds of things, but I know what it's like to be on the verge of not making rent.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

You're not my friend. by zembelle, journal

I'm ''25.'' -.- by zembelle, journal

So what's it to you? (Really. You, right there.) by zembelle, journal

Been a while... by zembelle, journal

Emergency Commissions! by zembelle, journal